until i actually went back 3 weeks ago. math. it ____ and it ____!!  i was sitting in class today, in the same building where i took a lot of art classes, and i started sulking. i shouldn't have to turn letters into numbers and stick them on a piece of paper with black crosses and light blue squares all over it. *sigh*. i'm almost done though.

i became addicted. a professional student of sorts. i started taking classes and i couldn't stop! i have amassed almost100 credits...yet i haven't even finished my associates yet (i wasn't trying for a degree. i just wanted a simple photography lesson!). well this semester & one more...one stinkin' math class each...and i will have actually earned two associates (yes i do realize i could be less than 1 full-time semester away from a BA. so what?). WOOHOO!

but i really did miss school (i haven't been in a year). well...the art classes anyway. i learned so much. things i never even thought i would be interested in. as a matter of fact...i'm pretty good in a lot of areas i never imagined i would ever take a liking to.

a few years back, i wanted to take a film photography class. two days before i was supposed to start, i received a call from an art professor telling me the class was cancelled. he said..."why don't you take art157, graphic design, instead? it's the same time and i can enter you in the system right now." i agreed...reluctantly. i left that class with a few new friends, a working knowledge of Photoshop and Illustrator and

...my dragonfly logo!!

creating that logo...well it taught me a lot more than how to manipulate the pen tool and how to apply a gradient. yeah...it taught me how to shut my mouth and open my ears. joey tomissoni...though ten years my junior...was one heck of an instructor!

i think i've taken almost all of the art classes that school had to offer...with the exception of basic design, watercolor and ceramics. i think my favorite was sculpture. ok...i don't know about favorite....but it's definitely in the top 3.

have you ever poured bronze?

you haven't lived until you've poured molten bronze into a cast you created with your bare hands!

i decided to cast my logo because...well because...i had to pay for the materials and live with the results. and i just LOVE my logo so. that's what i created.

that mess took forever! oh my goodness. i didn't think i would ever see the end results! let me explain to you how it's done.

first...i had to take wax and mold the wings. the wax is brown and sticky and sorta hard, yet pliable. i used different methods to warm it up to get it to do exactly what i wanted. but most of the time...it did what it wanted. one thing i had to remember, whatever i did to the wax would ultimately show in my bronze. textures, lines, bubbles...would all be picked up during the casting process. so i spent a lot of time smoothing the surface of the wings. finally i gave up on trying to create perfection and went with whatever the wax wanted to do.

a classmate had pre-made wax tubes that she gave me for the body and antennas. that not only saved me a lot of time, it also gave me perfectly sized squiggles! no guess work. no disappointing non-uniformity.

second...i had to create tubes to connect the dragonfly to the pouring cup. i poured hot wax into long metal pipes...cooled them off...then heated them up to pull them out. now to adhere them. yeah...that was tricky and my professors did most of the work. it's one of those things where...i really needed to know how to do it, but doing it wrong would destroy my whole project. so he did it for me while giving instructions that i can't really remember. (so what? sue me!) anyway, the tubes are added to vent the heat away from the mold once you add the molten bronze. more on that later.

third...slurry! this is the looooooooooooong boring part of the whole process. now, class was only three hours a day, twice a week. this caused the slurry part to take an unusual amount of time. if i had my own studio, i could probably have the slurry done in 4-5 days. as it was, it took about 3 weeks.

slurry is a mixture of silica and water and something else that makes the mixture turn a bright neon green (maybe it's the silica that's green!). i had to hold my dragonfly ever so carefully over the liquid goop and gently pour the stuff all over it. after it was completely coated, i laid the wax in a vat of sand and spread that all over ensuring every nook and cranny was touched. i had to repeat this process every class until i had a coating over my dragonfly that was about 3/4" thick.

fourth...finally it's time to fire the dragonfly to harden the mold and melt away the wax. this is where the vents come in...partly. during this step. they serve as sort of a run off for the wax that hasn't evaporated. essentially it all does evaporate because there is no way it can survive 900 degree temperatures. but...yeah...when the fire first hits it and it attempts to run...it heads to the vents.

i wasn't permitted to actually work the kiln. the professor took care of that too. i guess the school didn't want to be held liable if someone melted their hand off or something.  it took maybe the first hour of class to fire the mold. had to get every bit of moisture out of that sucker so it would be impermeable to the liquid bronze.

fifth..now here comes the fun part! while my mold is firing...my solid block of metal was placed in a crucible and then put into a kiln that reached temperatures of about 2000 degrees or so. the mold was removed from its oven and placed in a special holder in sand. that was right before the bronze was ready to be poured. i donned a fire resistant space suit and with my professor i poured the white hot liquid into my dragonfly mold. this is where the vents mentioned earlier really come into play. without them, the mold would simply explode. as the metal cools, it expands. the mold is now a nonporous ceramic catch-all that will not give as necessary. when that metal is ready to make it's move...there's no stopping it. so the vents give it a place to go until it stabilizes. the end result is a solid bronze masterpiece...with all of these weird looking branches coming off of it.

breaking the mold off of the bronze dragonfly was a pain in the arse! the little bits that were stuck in the crevices....argh!

<--- yup! that's me

sixth...power tools! now it was time to remove the vent branches and...oh yeah i forgot to mention. my professor removed the antennas from my dragonfly during the wax stages because he said they were too delicate to withstand the slurry and too little to vent....so i had to weld those back on. then i used a dremel to buff out the rough edges.

i loved the rainbow color that appeared on the wings after using the blow torch to put the antennas back on.

seventh...i couldn't find a chemical patina to create the red on my dragonfly's wings so i had to get creative. paint, polish, something that was hiding in the classroom fridge! the bottom wings, the body & the antennas were done with a caustic, smelly...eeeeiiiiii. that stuff is harsh. after i achieved the colors i wanted, i went over the entire thing with car wax.

and here she is. weighing in at 12lbs and measuring 14 inches from antenna to tail.

some people get to be a part of the festivities.

some people get to watch from the sidelines wondering when their turn will come or thanking their luck stars it's not them being forced to stand on ceremony.

me

well, you can find me sitting with baited breath, wondering whose going to call upon me for my awesome services. i don't mind the requests but, i have to admit, i wouldn't be mad if i never received any!  shooting weddings is not my favorite thing in the photography world to do. it's stressful. and time consuming. and physically exhausting. and extremely rewarding (if done right) but terribly disappointing (if anything is done wrong). as a photographer, missing that one shot...can mean the world of difference (in my mind) as to whether things went right or went wrong.  i'm a perfectionist...what can i say?

but it's time for me to deviate a bit...'cause that's what i do. i was chatting with some friends today about a huffington post article on the subject of getting married. more to the point, about women waiting, hoping, wishing, praying, needing to get engaged and/or married. it was a  hilarious read!! it was by no means a scientific study so don't get your panties in a bunch. it was more like an observation piece that lead to good conversation and a whole lot of giggling & "i know that's right"s. 

first there was some crap about women spending years with a man who will never marry them. secretly, she's anxiously awaiting that day he will surprise her by popping the question. blah blah blah. but it also iterated that not all women stay with a man with the hopes of getting married (not everyone is looking for the fairy tale), it's just that some women do. and some (im my humble opinion), is too many!

from huffington post article ~ "Some women need the validation of the proposal more than an actual wedding. There is something about being chosen, even if it's not by the right guy, that has women clinging to relationships everyone else can see are going nowhere. <--these are the ones who must profess their love constantly in hopes of convincing others  Last year, Jennifer Gauvain, a clinical social worker and author, released her finding that "30 percent of divorced women knew they were marrying the wrong guy on their wedding day."  <--no comment As Gauvain said, "Getting engaged can be a triumph, and if he's the wrong guy, the high from the attention of the engagement can minimize that fact." <--yet another reason to "legalize it"

seems a bit silly to want to be wanted in that manner by someone who doesn't want to want you like that. um...yeah. you know what i mean. as a woman, i would think most of the euphoria of planning a wedding and getting married comes from the shared joy between the couple. when he smiles lovingly at you in all your excitement as you prepare for your big day (come on you know that look. you've felt it, yes felt it! if you haven't, well, i'm sorry)...not when he rolls his eyes in disdain because you won't shut up about it.

absolutely can't wait for these two to walk down the aisle!!

anywho, when i look at the wedding pictures i've done over the last couple of years, two things always stand out: the glow of the brides and the pride in the grooms' eyes. there are simply some things that cannot be faked even with all of that pomp & circumstance.

as we were talking about the article, i laughed and thought about how faux and engineered looking a collection of wedding pictures would be if the things i read were actually happening behind the scenes (so glad to say all of the weddings i shot were based on mutual desire, love and respect). if you ever look through a bridal magazine, you will see beautiful photos of brides and grooms looking their absolute best. but if you look closely....you won't see the glow or the pride that i spoke of. nope. you'll only see teeth. big ole toothy grins that say...don't worry about the truth, forget that you know that this is staged.  just know i say that i'm happy and take my word for it.

it's hard to describe but you'll know what i mean when you see it. what a shame someone would spend so much money on an awesome photographer such as myself to capture a falsehood. i don't know, i don't think i would want to add a gallery of lies to my professional portfolio. oh who am i kidding. if they want to spent the cash, i'll take it! but seriously, couldn't that money be better spent on something else like, let's say...shoes?

from huffington post article ~ "Ultimately it's not about a wedding.  It's not about the proposal story or a ring on your finger.  It's about two people falling in love and wanting to build a life together.  If you're deeply unhappy with someone but you think his proposal will change things, it won't.  It will distract you from the real issues for a while, but they will still be there.  Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but only if both parties are equally committed.  Trust me, you don't want to talk someone into wanting to marry you.  If he's giving you signs that he doesn't want to marry you, heed them.  You'll thank him years from now."

You can read the full article here:

Signs He's Never Going to Marry You (And Why You Should Thank Him)

rb...

oh the senior prom.

that formal school event every student gets all hyped up about. they search and search for the perfect dress or tux months before the big event. they...er...the parents...spend oodles and gobs and vats of money on said attire...hair-do's...accessories...transportation. and of course PICTURES!  it's the most exciting time in a high school senior's life! 

unless of course...you're being forced to go by parents living vicariously through you. the family's finances aren't in a position to go all out. you have a major break-out one week before the big day and it just seems to get worst daily.  man...i wouldn't be a teenager again if you paid me (unless i was a celebrateen <---i think i just made that word up. did i? gotta google it.)!

theeeeen...the student gets to the big dance to find out it's...well...it's just that. a dance. except now they're dressed in stuffy, binding clothing and they can't really dance the way they want to because the teachers are there...watching! the entire evening is spent...awaiting the after party that can be enjoyed in jeans and t-shirts.

i like to liken proms to weddings. all the fun is in getting ready for it. 

check out these pictures i've taken kids preparing to leave for prom over the last couple of years.

oh there's another reason i liken proms to weddings. i absolutely dread taking pictures of them. well...not totally. when i'm alone with the couple...everything is fine. but i LOATHE contending with parents, friends, godmothers, uncles and whoever else has a camera on their cell phone, to get the shots i want. i get the couple posed just right...then someone calls their name and their eyes move. so i'm stuck with a shot...body posed the way i want but with a fake confused smile and two sets of eyes looking at two different cameras (neither of which are mine). and let's not forget the rogue elbows, shoulders and backs of heads that tend to sneak into my almost money shots! aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhh...the worst.

and to add insult to injury...with proms there's always multiple couples. and yes, they all end up in the shots. sometimes i choose to take their picture because they're just too darned cute. other times the person or couple who requested i take their picture...snatches others into shots with them. that's fine too. but i wish i could see my own face when these strange people say..."when am i going to get my pictures"?  or i hear them say to some random person i don't know either...."where's the photographer? i need to get a picture with you". lol they're kids. they don't know any better (read: my services aren't free)...so i just walk away before they notice me! 

this is why i only shoot prom pics for kids i know and love. yes i said love!  why?  hmmm...how do i say this delicately?... with the expense of traveling to meet the students, the pressure of dealing with momzillas and contending with faux paparazzi...and the burden of sorting thru pics and the task of editing the ones i like...there is no way i would charge anything less than my full going rate. the parents i know wouldn't dream of adding that fee to their tab! and i for one don't blame them.  so i don't even try to sell my services to them.

true story.

i had one kid be the lucky recipient of free photos because his date asked me to take their pics for her...and i agreed. i gave his mom the link so she could see the pictures and download the ones she wanted...for free. 2 hours out of my life...well maybe 3 with the quick editing i did...and it was a done deal. or so i thought.

<<<-----not her! lol

this mother harassed me about those pictures to the point i had to start ignoring her emails! she couldn't figure out how to click the button that said "download". she couldn't figure out how to order prints. and most of all...she expected me to do some serious editing to the pictures...sans charge!! "i want that plant removed from in front of his foot in these 3 pictures. i want this one changed to b&w. i want my mom's arm taken out of this picture. and how long will it take for you to get these to me?"

she's still waiting....

rb...

i like the idea of collecting stuff.  but what stuff? and why? it's so easy to get your hands on things. and more of the same kind of things. and just a little bit more...until you look up and see you have a variety of crap with a theme. then...you start looking. looking to expand. looking for a challenge (gotta find a unique version of what i already have ten thousand of). looking for connections...like minded people, websites, blogs, etc. or maybe not. perhaps it all becomes too much and you just rid yourself of all the stuff that's taking up space that could be filled with...other stuff.

i started a collection of Black Barbies® some years ago because i found the pickings to be slim. it was fun seeking out and finding these dolls that inspired awe when i laid eyes on them.

turns out...my fascination with Black Barbies® was an expensive one!  

this was the first one i bought.  Cinnabar Sensation.  she is number 2 in the Runway Collection series by fashion designer Byron Lars (i didn't learn about the collection until this one was released. the first one, In The Limelight, was already sold out and virtually unavailable. i wouldn't be able to acquire that doll until years later and it was actually the last doll i bought!). i fell head over heels in love with her. she was so unique. a standout. one of the only higher priced Black Barbies® available via barbiecollectibles.com at the time. for some reason, other designers seemed to ignore the african american market.  

here is the complete collection...

http://www.wowdolls.com/limited/byronlarsrunway.htm

i purchased several other Black Barbies® in addition to all of these Byron Lars dolls. my Runway collection is complete and so is my interest in dolls.

uh oh! what's that? something else has caught my attention. why yes it has!!  i want to start collecting vintage cameras!! 

i've wanted to start collecting old camera gear for a while. i think it would make for great decoration in a study or studio. but i read an article today that inspired this post. an 89 year old camera...a 0-series LEICA...sold at auction for a cool $2,790,000! 

WHO would spend that kind of money on an old...probably ususable...but most likely won't be used...camera?  well the answer is simple.  there are only two types of people who would do that. #1 a camera enthusiast who can afford it. #2 a person who just didn't want anyone else to have it and who can afford to keep anyone else from getting it.

i will admit. if i had the money...i would have been in a bidding war with whoever won this gizmo. it's just the item to make any collection complete. why? because it's a Leica® and it's oooooooooooooooooooooold. 

another vintage camera i would add to my impending collection if i had a few million dollars to piss away:

a daguerreotype! (you know that gadget that somehow burns the image on to a silver foil like substance but the picture looks like it's actually in a mirror.) and i mean an old one. something with Daguerre's and Niepce's initials carved in the box. i would use it too. as punishment (or for sh* & giggles), i would make my kids pose for pics that i would then scan into digital form and post on facebook just to prove to all of my friends that i have one. speaking of which...if i owned that 0-series Leica, i would use that too!

this is what you would get from a daguerreotype. omg...doesn't this little girl have the most gorgeous hair? its so curly and looks sooooooo soft!! 

this isn't the most perfect of examples. you can't see the rainbow effects of the chemicals on the metal or any of the other nuances but i love the way this one is framed. 

White woman and enslaved girl, Washburn & Company, New Orleans, Louisiana, c. 1849,  daguerreotype. 

* i didn't mean to take this post there...but i stumbled upon this blog as i was looking at daguerreotype prints.

http://usslave.blogspot.com/2011/10/black-bodies-white-science-louis.html

*sigh*

i don't have an extra $3,000,000 sitting around ready to be blown a la "Arthur" on frivolous items (i loved the scene where he bought lincoln's suit at auction and a few minutes later you see him walking down the street in it!).  but i can do some shopping and try my best to get my hands on some more reasonably priced vintage photography items. 

i want...

and i really LOVE this!!...

.

and i gotta get this....

 wish i knew what the heck that ------------------------------>                                is!!! (yeah i'll take it)

and of course...

ANYTHING vintage nikon is always welcome!

rb...

my son had an early morning baseball game today. i'm not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. nor am i a huge fan of watching baseball (i LOVE to play it but watching it sometimes is like watching grass grow!). i dragged myself out of bed and had him at the field early. early early. he had to be there about an hour before the game actually started so i left him and went to the neighborhood open air market that i ALWAYS miss (it ends all early. like 2pm. i'm usually just getting dressed at 2pm on saturdays!).

the weather was sooooo nice! i walked around looking at the artisans and all of their crafts. i listened to some live folk music. i rushed over to the area that was selling plants so i could get some for my garden but they didn't look all that great so i didn't bother. then it hit me. today is the perfect day to get some pics of ju playing ball!! it's not too hot and the sun it bright.

so that's what i did. i snapped and snapped and snapped. well...i had no other choice. baseball swings happen really fast. you're lucky if you get "that shot" out of 10 simultaneous frames. i mean...i'm lucky. i'm sure there's people out there who get a few of "those shots" within less frames. but who cares. they don't have the shots that I got!!

i love the look on his face here. he almost got hit by the ball and he was looking at the ump like he wanted him to reprimand the pitcher. hey kid. it happens!!

this is why i love photography. capturing moments. freezing time. but most of all....being pleasantly surprised at what i manage to get. my kids run from my camera. always sucking their teeth or rolling their eyes when i whip it out. but 20 years from now, they will be so happy with the collection i have amassed.

i have tons...and i mean TONS of pictures of my kids playing sports. i take so many that i usually just change the name to the date/kid's name and dump them in a folder named for the year. sometimes i'll look for those amazing money shots and extract them to share with folks but i can't even begin to imagine doing much else with the thousands of pictures that are just waiting to be rediscovered in the distant future. hmmmm....a task for my grandkids you say? yup!

taking a gazillion pictures of my kids has been awesome for more reasons than i can name. but one reason i will point out is PRACTICE! i've learned so much from the photos i've taken of them. from camera settings...to composition...to editing in Photoshop and other programs. since they're MY pictures i can do whatever i want with them. extra grainy. fake bokeh. selective coloring (yuck!). vignette vignette vignette. and i can do them at my pace. today might be a good day to look at some of those old sports pics and see what i can fix. or maybe i'll do it tomorrow.

rb...

the world is saturated with so many things "photography"!  has it always been this way or are my eyes just seeing this stuff because i'm looking for it? *sigh* i don't know.

what i DO know is i've been overwhelmed.  seriously overwhelmed.  from the software choices to the equipment availability to the required training to the marketing aspects to finding my niche'....it all almost became too much!!

i'm so glad that right now i don't do photography for a living. i was able to take a step back and revamp...rethink some things. i'm an artist to my core...so i fell back on a relaxing craft i learned many years ago and as i created little pieces of, well, nothingness, i thought about where my photography was heading and where i actually want it to go. i also realized that no matter what i do or how i do it, it has to be done for the love of my craft. for the sheer enjoyment i get out of it!

i started digging thru old folders of pictures i took years ago. when my photography wasn't customer...or dare i say...money driven.  you know, when your kids are your first, and best, models. when you could look at a beautiful picture and not think of a zillion ways to retouch it in Photoshop. yeah...i found some treasures and realized that's what i want my photography to look like today. chock full o' love. 

see this? this is one of my favorite pictures. taken on a whim. taken without too much forethought. taken of someone (my son) and something (kids)...i love. and...this picture actually won an award. not a serious award. but an award none the less! 

so here i sit...blogging. i'm excited. i'm anxious. i'm happy. i know what i want to do. where i'm going to steer my craft. i'm gonna just do...ME! at my pace. in my own way...on my own time. follow me!!

rb...